In looking back at my path these several years, I find myself looking with melancholy at the transformation from innocent faith; in God, in Doctrine, in other humans to have interpreted what they saw and heard correctly, and in the Church, to a perhaps wiser (no guarantees), certainly sadder, older believer in God, though not in God as presented. I am not sure, in that long look, that what I have found is just for my own benefit, or is to be shared with others. This blog is probably the extent of that sharing, though I have shared with others in my circle of friends.
I miss the old days. I miss the days when I could sing a hymn and not feel a cringe at the theology of the lyrics. I miss the simplicity of the days when it was just “Me and Jesus”, yeah, when we had our own thing going. I look with longing at the innocent faces of the children singing “Jesus Loves Me”, and ache for those days.
Do I still believe Jesus loves us? Well, that’s complicated. First, there’s the fact that his name was most likely Y’shua, or possibly even Mishe, for the name Jesus(Greek), or Y’shua(Hebrew) is symbolic and means savior, so it might have been changed to fit the story. Do I believe the teacher we know as Jesus would have loved me? Actually, yes, he was a teacher of unconditional love, so I still hold that thought dear to my heart. Do I believe that he taught that he, himself, was the “I Am”? No, I do not. I believe he taught of the “I Am” that she, yes she (check Proverbs chapter 8), was present in every moment of life? Yes, I do. Do I believe that it was his intent to form a new religion? No, not even for a moment. First, there is a prohibition against such in the Tanakh, and he taught obedience to the Law so thoroughly that we were to walk in unconditional love, thus fulfilling all the Mitzvot having to do with our fellow beings on this planet. Even to the point of saying that not one jot or tittle of the Law would pass away until all came to pass.
Do I believe Jesus was one with the Father? Yes, of course, in so far as those of us who act of one heart are at one with one another. He taught constantly of Hashem (The Name, YHWH) that that presence loves us and loved us always, now and forever. He felt that love, and acted in that love. Therefore he was at one with Hashem. Do I believe that the only way to come to the Father is through Y’shua? NO! I believe that the way to the Father is through the “I Am”, the very near, very here, presence of God Very God. If that Spirit guides you, you will live a compassionate life, caring deeply for all beings your life touches. I believe that that is the criterion heaven uses for whether we get to go home, and when we get to go home.
Yes, I have come to believe in reincarnation. *Gasp* I know, leaves me out of a lot of Christian conversation, doesn’t it? So, you see, my faith has gotten quite a bit more complicated at the same time it’s gotten simpler. I believe the only thing required is compassion, IJohn4:7-8, I believe that nothing else really matters. All the ceremonies are for the sake of man, not the sake of God. All the fancy buildings and garments are for the sake of man, not the sake of God.Please believe me when I say I like the fancy ceremonies, I often attend high Mass at Christmas, just because it is a beautiful ceremony, and puts one in the Christmas Spirit. But, it isn’t for God that I do that, God doesn’t need me to attend a ceremony to be in the mood to love me, that’s always and forever. God loves us all that way. Every moment of every day. Even when we are broken and in need of severe repair, (which is most, if not all, of the time).
I am also certain that it is not necessary to have a particular religion to obey God. A heart that wills to do good to one’s fellows, and holds no guile, is a heart that will be going home. So, yes, I miss the simple faith of my childhood, and wish I was back there at times, but my faith is actually simpler now, so, perhaps, it doesn’t matter, I can enjoy all the ceremony, knowing God loves each of us with or without all the fancies. I guess, with all that I have learned and seen, mayhap I should simply count my blessings that I still have faith in the One.
Geeez, I can’t spell!!!!