A voicehearer’s path ~

“The Voices in My Head”

That’s gotten to be quite a joke on the web, and could be taken as a kindness for those of us who do hear them, but I doubt it’s intended that way. What do you think? The painful reality, is that those voices can sometimes, and often for many,are so insistent that they drown out the voices of those who walk in this “reality”. They don’t for me, at least as much as they used to. Every once in a while, especially when I am run down because I have been fighting a bug, the voices will be back, and bothersome, but most of the time, they leave me alone, or at least let me conduct my life in peace.Hence, it seems time to talk about this little “problem” again.

That isn’t to say that I no longer hear them, I do, it’s just that I know they are either a figment of something misfiring in my head, or worse, actual thoughts from some other source, which is rather frightening. Many years ago, a thoughtful individual who in retrospect probably had the same problem, gave me the clue as to how to live with them. She said I didn’t really have to listen to them, and if I chose to listen to them, I could choose to listen to only those who had messages of love for me. Now, that can be tricky, at best. One must first figure out parameters that work in all circumstances about what love is and which actions bring love into play. This is where I studied the Mitzvot of Judaism. This group of commands to the Ivrit tries to outline enough daily circumstances as to leave no doubt what one’s actions toward one’s fellow humans would be in any instance. It helps, believe me. They don’t cover everything, but they cover enough to give any student a good idea what one’s attitude and actions should be.

Through these commands I know that any source that even implies that it is all right to lie, cheat, steal, murder, or create chaos, is not from the high. I wish I could say that I am in constant and consistent obedience to them. I am most of the time, but I am quite human, and have been, like every other human that ever walked this mud ball, been known to zig when I should have zagged. Because of that thoughtful woman from the past, I consider myself one of the functionally insane. Yeah, I am not sure of my sanity at all levels, nor do I think I would be classed as sane by a licensed psychiatrist, but I do function on a daily basis. I manage. Some stressors make coping much harder, and so I try to avoid those. I use the AA acronym HALT, frequently. “Never let yourself get too hungry, too angry, too lonely, or too tired.” That acronym has served me well. In fact, I find AA’s approach to life helpful on a lot of levels. The twelve steps are applicable whatever your coping problem may be, not just alcohol consumption.

Because the “dark voices” can be both subtle and seductive, I am constantly taking measure of my attitudes and actions. I know this must seem tedious to those with a firmer moral compass, but it works for me most of the time. I can never be 100% sure at any one time that I have an answer that works, and seldom try to make others see things my way, no matter what. I will voice my opinion, and if others agree, that’s cool, if not, well, I tried to do what I thought was right. I always hope that I succeeded in that, I just can never be sure. So, take what I say with a grain of salt, find your path and hold on for the ride, sometimes it gets kinda bumpy.

Love,

Su

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